Orange ~ you take a gud care

Orange : yep.. u mess my life when u come close to me with out any intention of loving me...
Orange : just hoping me to be ur "peneman setia"..
Orange : im so fool to take it seriously...
Orange : now i yg berangan sengsorang..
Orange : ive been asking these to me many times..
Orange : and often when we talked over YM, im positive that u dont need me anymore..
Orange : but when i looked at your blog.. it gives me diff story
Orange : im just confused
MrApple: i dun know what i need to write
MrApple: iyaa
MrApple: all my fault
Orange : its ok ..dont write..
MrApple: by i think this coz i think abt u
MrApple: i dun want the same things happen ..
MrApple: let u get ur smile back
MrApple: and fly like before ..
Orange : can i hv a good and clear answer from you on whats happening...
MrApple: what happening ?
Orange : can we have a definite answer to all this commotion
Orange : like me n you...
MrApple: tot u already clear taht when u said that between us is nothing anymore ?
Orange : are working on someting? or we just playing with our lonely time
Orange : yep..i said tht clearly.. but i still love you..
Orange : wanting you
MrApple: that i take it, for ur own future feeling
MrApple: maybe be friends between us is better
MrApple: coz as u know that ..
MrApple: m not gud enuff for u
Orange : so we should be friend?
MrApple: m not clever enuff for u
Orange : so we should be friend?
MrApple: u dun want to be friends ?
Orange : between friend n lover.. i want u to be my lover
Orange : so now im asking you..
Orange : friend or love
MrApple: i would like to take both .. but i need to choose ..
MrApple: for ur own good .. we be friends....
MrApple: maybe ....
Orange : no point me praying something tht wont come
Orange : so..ur answer is friend?
MrApple: one dy if our luv is strong ..
MrApple: who knows ?
Orange : dont talk about one day..
Orange : who knows the day will never come..
MrApple: i will be away from u .. so long
MrApple: i can take it as a relationship ..
Orange : who knows today will be my last day breathing in this world
MrApple: my future and career is unexpected
Orange : ok.. so your answer is freind rite?
Orange : u prefer us to be just a friend?
MrApple: sayang
MrApple: sayang
MrApple: sayang
MrApple: dun say like that ...
Orange : nope..
Orange : i need an answer
MrApple: dun do something
Orange : i just dont know whats ur stand
Orange : i dont want to hope for something tht wil never come..
Orange : so..let me recap...
Orange : u prefer us to be just a friend?
Orange : rite?
MrApple: ??
MrApple: when taht time u say it to me ....
MrApple: every things is over ...
MrApple: over ..
Orange : ok.. so i was the one who ask for it first..
MrApple: i dont want to put u away ..
Orange : its ok .. i take the responsibility
Orange : so.. now clear..
Orange : we are just friend..
Orange : we are just friend..
Orange : we are just friend..
Orange : we are just friend..
Orange : we are just friend..
Orange : we are just friend..
Orange : we are just friend..
Orange : we are just friend..
MrApple: let me keep u in my heart as someone that give me a gud memory
Orange : we are just friend..
Orange : we are just friend..
Orange : we are just friend..
Orange : we are just friend..
Orange : we are just friend..
Orange : its ok...
Orange : i will honour u as my fren
Orange : need to go...
Orange : i need a walk..
MrApple: where ? Blueapple : ned to go where ?
Orange : dont know.. but i need to get out from this mess
Orange : from this house..
Orange : i just need a walk
MrApple: emm..
Orange : everything is crashed now..
MrApple: is not today is crashed
MrApple: maybe all the fault is mine
Orange : but today am asking you to accept my love again
MrApple: yaa is mine
Orange : but the answer is NO
Orange : so.i have to swallowed it
Orange : clearly there is no more feeling between us
Orange : i wish we could just go back to where we first started this feeling
Orange : but history will never repeat itself..
Orange : i cant turn back the clock..
Orange : everything is gone..
Orange : its ok..
Orange : thanks for being there before..
Orange : i will love you in my dream..
Orange : and asleep forever....

Fairy tale, Apple Love Story~

Its hard to talk about perasaan ni. Too complex and yes,very subjective. Some people can easily say "I love you". Sincere enough? Phrase tu dah jadi macam ayat wajib bila once we were in a relationship. But how far the true feeling is? Hanya kita yang boleh jawap. I am not those category of people who can simply say "I love you" unless I am really sure on how I actually feels, then only I can sincerely say it.

Its a special phrase for our special someone. We can't just say it towards a person yang we barely even know for a few hours. So, when I say "I love you", then I really mean it. It would be the right phrase for me to define towards a person on how I actually feel deep inside. And it explained why I care so much about that person. When I say "I love you", it means I already have a commitment and a responsibility towards the other person whom I mention it to. It means I am attached and taken.

It also means that I am in love and willing to share almost everything with that particular person. Because "I love you" its not just a sentence. Its a magic word that involve hati and perasaan. Call me 'jiwang' or typical. But it is the fact that everybody will face either they want to admit it or not.

What's now?

I hate Monday!!

hate monday !!! Today, I wasn't really performed at work. Badan me macam lemah with a headache yang menggangu and buat me rasa nak kerja half day. So I told my Boss that I am not in a good shape so I need to take MC.Keluar saja dari building tu I got fascinated by the weather. Tak panas sangat and tak mendung. I

t’s a good weather if you to go for a walk and I said that to myself. Well, what the hell. me pun decided to drive from my work place to Bukit Bintang. Its quite far. Anyway, while I was walking from a building to another heading to Bukit Bintang, there were so many things I saw.

In front of Hard Rock, there were few Pinoy tourist looking amused at KLCC. They stopped me and asked me "are you pinoy? .. me malay carebian laa ha ha ha ... huhuhu.. me heading to clinic, .. want to go back and sleep ....

yaa... i love you .....

To those i love and see each day, and other loved ones so far away..to all my good frends who mean so much to me and those with whom i've out of touch..i want you to know how much i care, may GOd touch you and dwell within. Spread some love whereever you go and a smile on you face that's all aglow. luv u all

m i happy ?

Funny.I can only glanced a tiny smile bila every time orang cakap "bahagia kau sekarang kan..".Bahagia?I'm not 100% sure.But I've put a lot of effort to make the best out of everything that have been hooking around in my life lately.Friends;still here and hopefully will always be.Family;I hardly even talk to them lately.Him;I still have those unsure paranoia of what actually happened and what's next for us.So to describe the BAHAGIA as one word for me now,I don't really dare to.I am still getting used to some changes and still going through this life wondering and looking for the missing part.

my best song is my buddy rite now ~ My Baby you ~ Terima Kasih Cinta

Chasing and Kicking

~ so.. next time ..dont promise someting you CANT give
~ dont make other weak heart felt over you
~ just stop victimising other ppl
~ go only when u love em
~ and when u commit to love them no matter who they r
~ trust that or u will be forever miserable.. not knowing what you want

M bleed Again ...

Me bleeding inside .. hoping, till me bleed Again

Sorry .. M not in a good mood dude!!

What a boring day.I was sitting all alone just watching the ray of sun light coming through from my bedroom window.You can't imagine how hard it is to be me.People might think I am too easy with a simple life.But trust me,I am muce more complicated than that.

Some people just taking for granted.They never took anything I've said seriously.Yea,I might be a hell of a clown.But I can be serious too ya know;with serious matters.I need to be aware of other people's mood;what about my mood?I can get moody and emotional too okay!It really sucks when you thought that there are some people who understand you which by the way,they actually don't.They said they did,but they really don't!

For those who don't understand me,here goes my worst qualities:
• I am pessimist when people/things turn me down..
• I am paranoid when I don't get the results sooner than I thought it would be..
• I am sarcastic to fight for what I believe and the truth..
• I can be pensive when I am out of mood..
• I can be accentric sometimes (its just who I am..weird in acceptable ways)...
• I can be exasperate when people crossing my anger line and ...
• etc..etc..

I know its not good but nobody perfect.Its just who I am.Please try to understand me just like I've been trying so hard to understand you guys.We can always accept other people imperfection because who are we to judge.So,please think before you say or do anything that might be offensive to some people.

Apple ~ Back to Zero

How hard is it to get up when you fell down?Its hard when there's no one there to hold you up.But I am trying to be brave and getting up by my own.Someone told me once that "no one can look after you better than you can"

Now I believe that.
I am lost.I've lost most of the things I used to have.I've lost so many believed.I've lost so many hopes.I've lost the person I almost believed.I've lost the person that I stoopidly thought I can hold on forever.I've lost a friend and a really true friend.I've lost so many precious things in my life.

I've lost all the sweet memories we used to have.I've lost my love.I've lost myself the moment I lost everything.I've lost my soul and my soul-saver.
But now,I am trying and struggling so hard to getting back on track.I am back to zero..

Close The Book Apple

I don't know if it was a mistake.I don't know if I was falling too fast.I don't really know if I really should trust.I don't even actually know the truth.Or maybe I wasn't really sure if I can handle the truth.But I am hell sure its going to have an impact in my memory.

I don't need lame excuses.,i need to stay away from myself
Gosh,I am lacking of self awareness,lacking of self control,lacking of confidence,lacking of trust,lacking of real feelings.I cried almost every minute when my mind struck and made me thinking about the whole stoopid scenario again.Help me dear ones...

Despite all of that,I miss my 'peneman setia'.Miss talking to you..miss laughing with you..miss arguing with you..miss ur stoopid jokes...miss ur 'adorableness'...miss the 'happy' me when I am with you...

Talking to the evil side of Me

I said to my heart:
loves me.
loves me not.
loves me.
loves me not.
loves me.

ouch!!
You loves me! argh!! You loves me. yeah.. You loves me.


and the evil replied:
Hello!! Wake up dear. No matter a dozen sticks of daisy you try, the answer is

NO!!!!!

I won't Hold You

its impossible to understand
what going through your heart
you told me that you wanted me and
now that i've given you everything, you tell me you're leaving
you told me that it was the first time you
felt this way, and said that i was special
i believed you, ... and it was my happiness
you should have told me that your feelings had faded
i had no idea, and i continued to depend on you
although i say i hate you now, ill be missing you
and although i tell myself, ill never
be tricked by love again
i fall in love, and my heart is broken again ...

Wake Up Apple...

Nothing Left for me to prove .. take care

Sink with the tide
Rescue me if you like
I'll be leaving it all up to you
Think how we tried
It's o.k. to be lied to
As long as it's only by you

People say to me it's best that we've parted
'Cause you know I'm better alone
Don't explain to me how you're so broken hearted
I'm too busy mending my own

Ending each night with such honest goodbyes
Such honest goodbyes for the last time
Honest goodbyes only work once or twice
They work once or twice
Then the rest must be lies


HONEST GOOD BYE

What so special KIWI in your eye?

Tapi sekarang there is nothing much I can do and let this feelings fade away.But all those memories sepanjang aku bersama dia I can never let go.Yang tersurat aku simpan dalam my personal 'green box' and mana yang tersirat aku hanya dapat simpan dalam suatu sudut difikiran ku.I am hurting tapi aku tak berdendam.I am disappointed tapi aku respect apa pun jalan pilihan dia.I cried tapi aku masih ada kegembiraan untuk dikenang.

Soal hati,aku masih bersama dia.Soal harapan,aku biar ia jadi tanda tanya.Semoga ada sinar or miracle will happen.Siapa pun pilihan dia selepas ini aku harap yang terbaik untuk dia;maybe like the picture above "KIWI"

I can only keep on writing and wondering.Satu lagi insan yang hadir dalam perjalanan hidup aku telah pergi mengikut haluannya.Well,people come and go.And now I am alone again..

Hope KIWI can give u what you want.. to see u happy can make me happy .. Take care

Finally ... CRAP!!!

It is difficult for you to change for good?

It is difficult for you to sacrifice for the one?

It is Very difficult for you to let go the one make us argue all the time?

It is Very difficult for you to be honest?

It is Very difficult for you to be loyal?

It is Very difficult for you to make me happy?

now it will DIFFICULT forever .. coz every thing's is CRAP!!!!!

darkness of Apple

So you have made his decision.And yeah, you decided to let go of me instead of quit whatever shitty feeling/behavior you really love doing.Fine.me really just have to respect your decision.Tipu if I said I wasn't disappointed. In fact,I didn't really see this was coming.How heartless can you be?Tuhan sahaja yang tahu.Its like the first time I met such a person.But I don't regret of knowing you.you r quite a nice person to get to know with.But shits happened kan.

Whatever it is I really hope you ii change.Its for ur own good..Maybe u doesn't even like to get advice from people.So,okay la.As long as u feels happy with what u r doing then it will be fine by me.Maybe one day u'll realise that manusia tak boleh hidup tanpa orang lain on their side.Hidup sahaja maybe boleh.But to feel love and care itu susah kalau kita tak perlukan orang lain. the reason is so simple .. due to you still love him?

Song From My heart

Sepi hati terjadi lagi
Mungkin sampai mati aku sepi
Biar senyum hadir di hariku
Namun ini hanya ada d bibir,d bibir saja

Aku ini yang bisa mengerti
Walau pun yang lain mau mengerti
Namun berat BEBAN di hidupku biarkan saja
Biar saja hanya ku yang tahu
Sejarah cinta dan hidupku

Penuh duri dan banyak ranjau
Untuk kesabaran yang penuh
Untuk tetap ku berdiri
Ada saatnya ku bicara
Bila hatiku telah pulang
Sepanjang berpisah atasi semua
Aku tetap diam

Hoping til You Bleading....

hate Myself handling My life

another lame depression,another same whole boring moments of thinking.i kinda hate being a person who always haunted by the past.i thought by moving on,things as before won't ever take place in my life ever again.but who am i kidding?its always been there.whenever something happened,it always remind of the same thing that used to happened before.

some kind of a dejavu;but reality.i hate the fact there is so much hate in me.i regreted it,i've learned from it but i just can't ever escape although how much i wanted to and how hard i've tried.i am still longing in the pond of my past.looking at the same alter-ego for the rest of my life.i wish i can still find a way of escaping.somehow there is no ray to guide me through this sickness of sorrow.shitty things happened;its not yet over me.


** Why me ? ... :(

Hey.. i really Miss you!

I screwed up and I felt dirty.But remind me,not to have feelings.

I miss my dear one.I felt guilty,I am sorry...

I am starting to feel tired.Tired of all the dramas.

But I can't just escape.The problem is,I am still hoping.

Hoping for the wish will come true.

Tired for being sorry!!!

Its easier for some people to say "hey,I'm sorry" after what they've done to other people's feelings.I know at some point,they doesn't really intend to hurt,its just how they carry things out.As I've said before,people are good at giving hopes and its not my fault to fall for it.

I got mislead?Maybe.But do you even actually know why I got 'mislead' at the first place?
Senang kan cakap "oh,sorry" as if dengan apologised like that boleh buat aku move on and get over it in a snap.I wish it was that simple.As simple as saying "sorry" for the sake of trying to look cool and as if nothing happened.

And again,maybe salah aku.Terlampau cepat percaya and fell for those 'might be' fake attitude.Aku mengaku aku memang lemah dalam bab ni.So please,stop faking things out.Maybe aku buat a drastic decision after what had happened.Its just the way for me to escaped even I have to lie about it to myself and pretending that I'm over it;which by the way I will sooner or later.
So from now on,who ever you are out there,be careful at what you'll do or say or how you'll react to me because I might stoopidly believe in it.

Flu... Arggggghhhh!

sick on different levels - I am also very glad that when I am sick i have someone else to run around for me but I aslo resent the fact that I have to ask someone to help me. I want to be strong enough to do what I want when I want and I feel frustrated that I am so tired and weak. Illness may be a pain but it does bring my pride to the surface and reveal how deep my own self sickness goes, as i get better i find myself thinking how i can use my illness to get out of things that I don’t want to do.

Stoopid Apple!!!

Stoopid moments that made the stoopid memories...

Stoopid idea that made the stoopid statements

Stoopid words that made the stoopid sentences...

Stoopid feelings that made the stoopid emotions

Stoopid decision that made the stoopid moves...

Stoopid ME...

What i supposed to do ?

At this point of time,aku jadi betul-betul tak sure dah with what is going on.I am having those second thoughts and regretness about 'it'.It is not a good sign,isn't it?How can we cope in a relationship without LOVE.me trying so hard to build those path of love with you. me can see it .But one thing after another happened that made me turn my head off more and more .

I guess my negativity again proved that it was right.I couldn't make myself love you.I wanted to let the time will tell but it would be like forcing myself into something that I absolutely no longer have believes in it. What should I actually do?I couldn't take my step back,could I?I don't want to hurt anybody,nor to be hurt.So,what am I suppose to do?

Hold or Let go?

Me tot, we are holding each other hands right now.

me hoping that me could hold my heart.

But I me not sure if me could really hang on to this.

its fantasy or reality
I'm totally unsure.

Can I let go of the root?

*** if i let go, me the one will be sad

its nice if .......

When people being nice,I really enjoy talking to them..
When people being funny,I really laughed at their jokes...
When people being sweet,I am so flattered in whatever things they said...
When people start sharing their stories,I listened concerntrately...
When people start giving some attention,I like them...
When people start giving hopes,I fall for them...
But, When people start telling lies,I started to judge them...
When people being fake,I started to hate them...

** It still have orange inside the apple?

Sick .. Turn Apple Down

i've been sick for these few days.At first it was an 'on and off' fever.But then its not getting any better.I took meds and drink lots of fluids,But it didn't help much.I stayed at home these past few days(I never can stand being at home even for a day unless I am really sick).My lriends keep forcing me to see the doctor.But I refused.Not that I am scared of injection or something.I just want to be alone at the moment.

me always like this .. ... just ate the pass medicine and i know that i will be ok ...

One Call at valentine nite

Dr Cherry: Hi..wat r u doing?
Apple: Bout to sleep.. n u?
Dr Cherry: Oh..just playing with my phone.
Apple: And u actually playing with my number?
Dr Cherry: haha.. ermm..are u listening to some music?
Apple: Yep
Dr Cherry: Nice melody. sound familiar...
Apple: oh.. Dambaan Cinta
Dr Cherry: Oh ya. listened to tht before. nice lyrics
Apple: yeah..
Dr Cherry: Why listening to such song?
Apple: I dont know.. kinda love it.
Dr Cherry: r u in love?
Apple: Yep.. as i told u..
Dr Cherry: oh.. ok! no wonder such song.
Apple: Yep. want to associate with Orange.
Dr Cherry: Oh.. he listen to tht song too?
Apple: Yep.. Orange has been listening to this song all nite.
Dr Cherry: So you think he dedicated that song to you to?
Apple: hmmmm
Dr Cherry: what make u so certain?

Long pause.

Apple: I need to go. Talk to you some other time.. ok?
Dr Cherry: Sorry..
Apple: Its ok. nite nite.

Knowing you "Orange"

almost a week that i know the orange, share a lot of things, orange is nice ... knowledgeable, educated.. you must be surprise that i see orange wearing glaslass. ha ha ha you look sweet with the glass laa orange .. huhuh m more to listener than the orange will talk and talk.. orange talked about the past, enjoying the past moment, miss the past smile, everything all about the past.. me happy to become part of the orange life.. yaa.. me keep on listening on the past story of orange


uiks!!!.... honestly, me more concentrate on your nice eye rather than listen on that ;)